Tuesday! When you type it out it looks like a weird word...
Just a casual observation, Greetings BLOGGERS.......
More news OBSERVATIONS are on the way did you guys see any of this stuff?
Please READ ON:
In Florida the Palm Beach County Sheriff’s office says security footage has twice captured an overweight ninja trying to steal an ATM. [Obviously, the recession hasn’t been easy on anyone, not even Steven Seagal.]
The Lincoln Children’s Zoo in Lincoln, Nebraska, is celebrating the twin birth to a rare species, the tree kangaroo. [A tree kangaroo? It’s bad enough getting dumped on by a little bird.]
In China a 107-year-old woman is looking to get married for the first time. [It’ll be the first bridal suite with an oxygen tank.]
In China a 107-year-old woman is looking to get married for the first time. [Sorry, lady: Ashton Kutcher is already taken.]
In Illinois a couple got married at Taco Bell. [They didn’t have any cake to cut. But an hour later they were all cutting the cheese.]
A new study shows about 1 in 200 kids under the age of 18 are vegetarian. [Wow. I'm impressed that many kids in this country eat vegetables.]
The first survey of its kind finds that one out of 200 kids in the U.S. is a vegetarian. ["Ma, some big kid knocked me down and stole my soy-based milk product money!"]
The Army is considering starting a fat farm to transform chubby trainees into fit soldiers. [So instead of being screamed at by a drill sergeant, recruits will be screamed at by Rachel Ray.]
An Ohio distributor says it has recalled two brands of its peanut butter after an open container tested positive for poison bacteria. [Let's see, am I in the mood for creamy, chunky, or salmonella?]
President George W. Bush says the "most urgent threat" that Barack Obama will face is the potential for an "attack on our homeland." [President Bush has recommended that President-elect Obama make plans for some sort of flying-shoe-defense system.]
A woman pregnant with a rare form of conjoined twins plans to continue with the pregnancy. [Because in this economy, a job with the circus would be a God-send.]
Tuesday MEANS DIGITAL MEDIA BUYING DAY! Consumers, consume!!
NEW ON DVD
• Four Weddings and a Funeral (re-release as Deluxe Edition)
• My Best Friend's Girl
• Swing Vote
• Tyler Perry's The Family That Preys
• Vicky Cristina Barcelona
• Dallas - Season 10
• Man vs. Wild - Season 2
• Matlock - Season 2
• Reba - Season 5
• Walker, Texas Ranger - Season 6
This morning I told people I would post something amazing, then I thought I over...HA!
THE 75 THINGS EVERY MAN SHOULD DO
Wow, what a lame list of the 75 things every man should do at least once in his life from Esquire magazine. I won't bore you with all 75, but here are the magazine's Top 10:
1. Play rugby
2. Repair an appliance
3. Fly the red-eye from Vegas
4. Fly a Cessna
5. Make a list of seventy-five things you want to do before you die. It's hard.
6. Fast for three days. Drink water.
7. Drive the Great Ocean Road in southern Australia. Or the Pacific Coast Highway.
8. Make a perfect omelet.
9. Drive by yourself from coast to coast.
10. Recognize the accomplishments of others
(guys cheer some of those sounds pretty cool)
OK, I took a call this am form a GUY who just lost his JOB. His name is HARRY and he did not want me to mention where he worked, I really, REALLY want to...but will respect his wishes. So I had to pass on something to make him laugh hopefully and is he has these on his resume, then Harry where ever you are, please revise it immediately!!
REAL RESUMES, REAL STUPID
Collected from hiring managers. None of these are made up!
I am very detail-oreinted.
My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable.
Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!
Enclosed is a ruff draft of my resume.
It’s best for employers that I not work with people.
Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.
I am a quick leaner, dependable, and motivated.
If this resume doesn’t blow your hat off, then please return it in the enclosed envelope.
My fortune cookie said, "Your next interview will result in a job." And I like your company in particular.
Please disregard the attached resume -- it is terribly out of date.
Graduated in the top 66% of my class.
Reason for leaving last job: The owner gave new meaning to the word paranoia. I prefer to elaborate privately.
Previous experience: Self-employed. A fiasco.
I am a rabid typist.
I have a bachelorette degree in computers.
Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory; effective management skills; and very good at math.
I worked as a Corporate Lesion.
Married, eight children. Prefer frequent travel.
Objective: To have my skills and ethics challenged on a daily basis.
Special skills: Thyping.
Personal Goal: To hand-build a classic cottage from the ground up using my father-in-law.
Education: Graduated from predatory school with honors.
Never been fired, although it could happen anytime now.
Referees available upon request.
I have recently sold my home and I now live in a large RV so I will be able to relocate quickly.
Reason for leaving: They stopped paying me.
Vocational plans: Sea World.
BIG COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS from the man who hates us!!!!
KENNY CHESNEY has announced dates for his Sun City Carnival Tour, which will kick off April 17 in Uncasville, Connecticut. Having just been recognized as the No. 1 ticket-seller of 2008 (according to Pollstar), Kenny's Sun City Carnival Tour is currently slated for 50 dates across the nation -- including another fistful of major stadiums, anchored by his 5th straight year selling out Boston's Gillette Stadium in less than 10 minutes.
April 17-18: Uncasville, CT
April 23: Albuquerque, NM
April 26: Indio, CA
May 1: San Antonio, TX
May 2: Dallas, TX
May 3: Houston, TX
May 7: Des Moines, IA
May 8: Omaha, NB
May 9: Kansas City, MO
May 14: Birmingham, AL
May 15: Shreveport, LA
May 16: Little Rock, AR
May 21: Greenville, SC
May 22: Baltimore, MD
May 23: Columbus, OH
May 27: Atlanta, GA
May 30: Louisville, KY
June 6: Pittsburgh, PA
June 11: Moline, IL
June 13: Chicago, IL
June 19: Somerset, WI
June 20: Fargo, ND June 24: New York, NY
June 25: Virginia Beach, VA
June 27: Philadelphia, PA
July 2: Ft Wayne, IN
July 10: Calgary, Alberta
July 11: Merritt, BC
July 14: Boise, ID
July 18: San Francisco, CA
July 23: Salt Lake City, UT
July 24-25: Cheyenne, WY the closest he is getting to COLORADO!!!! :(
July 29: Lake Tahoe, NV
Aug 6: Orange Beach, AL
Aug 7: Jacksonville, FL
Aug 8: Tampa, FL
Aug 13: Hartford, CT
Aug 15: Boston, MA
Aug 19: Ottawa
Aug 20: Toronto
Aug 22: Detroit, MI
Aug 29: Bristow, VA
Aug 20: Raleigh, NC
Sept. 19: Indianapolis, IN
Here is the deal WHY has he skipped Colorado Springs two years in a row or was it three?
RASCAL FLATTS begins the final leg of their Bob That Head tour Saturday (1/17) in Kansas City, Missouri. JESSICA SIMPSON will open shows, which will run for 20 dates. (HUH?)
T.V. People enjoy, for those who DO NOT have COMCAST DIGITAL CABLE, resolve that horrific problem by calling COMCAST today 1-800-COMCAST ask for the TRIPPLE PLAY!
SEASON PREMIERE: AMERICAN IDOL (8p ET, FOX) -- "Idol" kicks off its 8th season with a 2 night, 4 hour premiere. New judge Kara DioGuardi jumps right in at the first auditions.
NCIS (8p ET, CBS) -- In this new episode, Ducky is stabbed at a crime scene and the team uncovers disturbing secrets from the doctor's past. A new episode of "The Mentalist" follows.
THE BIGGEST LOSER (8p ET, NBC) -- In this 2-hour episode, the players face their first temptation. A new "Law & Order: SVU" follows.
HOMELAND SECURITY (8p ET, ABC) -- This episode spotlights a man traveling with a skull in his van and a drunken woman on the Canada border.
90210 (8p ET, CW) -- A new episode. A new "Privileged" follows.
SCRUBS (9p ET, ABC) -- In this new episode, Dr.'s Kelso and Cox ally to oust Dr. Maddox (guest star Courteney Cox) from Sacred Heart. Another new episode follows. A new "Primetime: What Would You Do?" airs at 10p ET.
WITHOUT A TRACE (10p ET, CBS) -- In this new episode, the team searches for a missing bar owner who possesses a religious statue which is believed to create miracles.
LEVERAGE (10p ET, TNT) -- In this new episode, the team pose as wedding planners to get close to a Mafia boss and must pull off a wedding while pulling off the heist.
NIP/TUCK (10p ET, FX) -- Christian and Liz grow closer when she takes care of him after his chemotherapy and Sean reconnects with his broken family.